this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
