Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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