Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
