You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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