I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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