so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
