With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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