Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
