and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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