I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
