Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
