i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
