Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My vagina just clenched in fear
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
