how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
