You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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