her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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