I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
