Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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