The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
