i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
True strength comes from lack of pants
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
