Sry I called you an 8
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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