Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
