This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
