So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The struggles of a small town man whore
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
