Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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