smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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