her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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