he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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