He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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