Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
