My brain says no but my pants say off.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
