roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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