That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
