I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
