ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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