someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize