I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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