Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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