You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My vagina just recognized that song.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
