next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
