I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
