i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
