hell yes lets make some ravioli
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
