Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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