i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
