i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
