I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i dont even know how to be here
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
