Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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