This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
