i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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