I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
