dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
