i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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