So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
