Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
