I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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