Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
