Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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