dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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