then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
