The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
