he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
