I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
