Plan B is the new Plan A
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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