i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
