I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
