It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
