i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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