So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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