i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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