I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
