have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Send help, water and tortillas.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
