I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
