True but thats because hes a fetus.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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