I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
