I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
